What Would The Headline Be For Your Pregnancy?

Pregnancyglamour shot

Photo taken by my paparazzi parents. I’m surprised my mother didn’t slap some blush on my nausea-induced pale cheeks.

Nineteen months after the royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, the media is now all-a-buzz about a royal bun in the oven.

I can’t imagine having every moment of my pregnancy documented in the tabloids.

If the unflattering photos taken by my paparazzi parents are any indication of future media coverage of the royal pregnancy – if I’m Kate – I’m ordering the doors to the maternity ward padlocked and not emerging until the baby weight is gone.

So I’d pretty much still be locked up in the hospital nine years later as now I’m carrying a food baby.

The following tabloid headlines capture the essence of my pregnancy…


Words Your Employer of Two Weeks Never Wants To Hear, “Hey, I’m Knocked Up!”


Pregnant At 40 – Dusty Egg Finally Knocked Loose


Pregnant Woman Slumbers Daily in Cube – Job Saved Thanks To EEOC


Jaws of Life Rescues Woman Trapped In Maternity Bra


Eating For Two Causes Major Ice Cream Shortage


Expectant Woman Survives Six Weeks of Bed Rest At In-Laws House


What would the headline be for your pregnancy?



16 thoughts on “What Would The Headline Be For Your Pregnancy?

  1. Pregnancy 1: 9.5-mo pregnant woman slips in shower and goes through tile wall; trauma does not induce labour; Pregnancy 2: Pregnant woman does not deliver baby in library. Or Ikea. Or car wash. Despite husband’s panic. Pregnancy 3: “I’m never coming out,” declares third-born. “It’s cozy in here.” Three “late” babies, can you tell? 🙂

  2. Haha, I give you a lot of credit for including that glamour shot! I have 24 hours a day nausea with each pregnancy and I know the feeling… Something I never want to live again!

    Pregnancy 1: “Third time’s a charm”
    I had 2 miscarriages early on and I kep thinking the third time had to be it, and it was.
    Pregnancy 2: “Father exclaims, Are you f&^%ing kidding me? when mother announces pregnancy”
    I hope you’re laughing at this one, because sadly it’s true. I should have known by then things could only go downhill. 🙂

  3. Great post. I can’t think clearly enough to create a headline because I’m still recovering from reading “Jaws of Life Rescues Woman Trapped In Maternity Bra” as “Jews of Life Rescues Woman . . .” I’ve been celebrating Hanukkah this week, I must have Jews on the brain.

  4. 3 pregnancies and the best story I have is the poor food service worker pushing the door wide open while I was spread eagle pushing. He=llo! I was like, “Hey are they’re fries with that?” 2nd best is a few months post baby #3, I’m at my oldest’s soccer game and can’t figure out why the dad of one of his teammate’s looks so familiar….when it finally clicked…..he gave me my epidural. And has seen me naked. And knows how much I weigh.

    Which I am sure he totally remembered!!!

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