The Buttery Burger Blessing


The Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life recently released an analytic study titled, Nones on the Rise.  The study revealed one in five Americans (19.3%) claim no religious identity.

As a parent, there comes a time when you can’t answer some pretty big questions from inquiring little minds.

“What’s the difference between Jesus and God?”

“Is Jesus’ blood really made out of wine?”

“What does heaven look like?”

It’s enough to make you feel like a Jesus fish out-of-holy-water.

Especially if you have never had any formal religious education.

So, we started attending church.

As part of the discovery process at the church, we were asked to complete a 100 question Spiritual Gift Personality Assessment.  In other words, what is your God-given talent?

Can you build?  Can you cook?  Are you an evangelist?  Or maybe, a future choir director?

Being that my high school career aptitude test pegged me for a funeral director, I didn’t exactly have high hopes for the outcome.

“My home is always open to people passing through who need a place to stay.”

(*what’s wrong with a hotel?)

“Others have told me that my playing a musical instrument has been a blessing to them.”

(*or a cause of hearing loss)

“Being good with my hands, I can usually fix or build things myself.”

(*I throw it away and buy new.)

As I chose the response, “Rarely” for almost every question, I thought,

“Who am I?  Satan?”

Maybe this church stuff is not for me after all.

And then, I got it.

A question of all questions, out of the mouth of a babe while we were driving home from gymnastics.

“What does ‘God intended pregnancy through rape’ mean?”

Insert sound of a car skidding off the side of the road.

I knew where the question originated.

The negative political campaign ad was aired no less than 100 times a day for the past week.

So I said what any avoiding mother would say, “It’s complicated.”

“No, what is it?  I really want to know?”

“You know what pregnancy is, right?”

“When a woman’s belly gets big because there is a baby in it.”

“Yes.  You were in my belly because daddy and I love each other.  Well, sometimes a baby gets in a belly and it’s not because of love…”

“Alright, alright, never mind…I just want a Buttery Burger!”

So, back to church we go.

Thank God for Steak ‘n Shake.

And thank God, campaign season is over!

Amen.

© 2012 Terri Spilman

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10 thoughts on “The Buttery Burger Blessing

    • I was kind of expecting a curiosity because the ad was played hundreds of times. Believe me, I wasn’t offering any more info. The restaurant was right there. It’s quite an exercise to straddle the age appropriate line. I know I’m not the only parent who was asked..

    • I know, I know. I struggled with writing about the incident. You don’t understand how many times that negative ad aired out here. And, those idiots who endorse them don’t think about the little ears on the other end. I’m probably desensitized to it as well.

  1. Surprised you didn’t just belt out your rendition of “Jesus Take The Wheel!” as a distraction.
    Loved it! Sounds like you found a church that is a good fit – none of that confounding catholic stuff, i.e. “the bead thing”

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