Why Midlife Women Don’t Drive Corvettes

I can honestly say that I have never met a woman going through a midlife crisis who has the urge to trade in her mini-van for a Corvette.  We tend to make midlife splurges on high power shape wear, department store anti-aging cream and for the especially brave and vain, Botox.

Menopause brings with it a lower libido so why in the world would we want to drive a penis?

Who wants to smash their reading glasses into the top of their head while crouching into the car?  Our minds can’t afford to get any foggier.

It’s hard to look sexy while catching your ass on the outside of the car while trying to gingerly lower yourself into the driver’s seat – eventually dropping down like a lead balloon while your hormone induced saggy cleavage creates an airbag effect leaving you unable to look out of windshield.

Nostalgic about Prince’s song, Little Red Corvette?  Think again, after child-birth our little red corvettes have grown into slate gray pick-up trucks with no pick-up.

Where would the children sit?  Where would the children’s friends sit?

You would need a bullhorn to reach up to the fast food drive thru speaker.

How would we get the grocerys home?

If you get pulled over for speeding, you wouldn’t be able to get out of the car fast enough, then you would get arrested for resisting arrest.

That’s why midlife women don’t drive Corvettes.

© 2012 Terri Spilman


9 thoughts on “Why Midlife Women Don’t Drive Corvettes

  1. I totally agree! About eight years ago my husband bought a 1995 red, rag-top Mustang convertible, which was totally impractical, because at the time our kids were still in elementary school. But he had to have it. Never mind that we live at 7K feet where there’s snow on the ground six months out of the year, so the dang thing had to be garaged all that time, which meant my 1998 Mazda MPV minivan had to sit outside all winter (we also have a 2009 Subaru Outback wagon–yet another mom car). I finally made him sell the Mustang last year, because it was just too inconvenient and expensive to keep. You would’ve thought I’d asked to give up a kidney. Sheesh.

  2. “Menopause brings with it a lower libido so why in the world would we want to drive a penis?”
    You made my day with this sentence 🙂
    Although I will tell you that I purchased my dream car, albeit used , 8 yrs old at the time, a couple years ago. A VW New Beetle convertible. Classic midlife crisis car, and I don’t care. Love love love it to death, and you only live once. 🙂

  3. I Would love to take you for a ride in my corvette convertible. You would be forever changed. I am a midlife woman who loves to drive her vette. I have actually been know to take it to Sam’s wholesale club an fill it up. Years of raising 4 children and running a business have enhanced my spacial problem solving skills

    As for sex drive, if yours is broken in midlife I suggest you consult your physician; there are solutions that will get your engine revving. Pun intended.

    I ditched the shapewear for running shoes years ago Now I slide easily into my shapely sexy navy blue beast. I live in Florida and love to catch a little vitamin D (great for people my age) with my top down….that would be my car’s top;-)

    The kids are raised and I don’t eat fast food and the groceries in the trunk fit just fine.

    Personnally this midlife women loves driving a nice “peni*” and has joyfully driven one most decades of her life. 🙂

    • I love my Corvette! It has been my dream car since I was a little girl and I was finally blessed to get one this year. My kids are in college so I am free to drive what I want. Funny thing is that my husband hates to ride in it because it is too uncomfortable for him. We only take my car when he doesn’t feel like driving 🙂

      I too fill my little sports car to the max when shopping for groceries and household goods. People are amazed to what I can put in my car.

      Since I have gotten my Corvette, I notice more and more women driving them (especially midlifers).

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