North Faced

The official uniform of the “Face Nation”

The North Face company is discriminating against chubby people.  That’s right.  One of America’s most beloved, trendy active wear companies caters to skinny people.

You might ask, “Chubby, who is chubby?  Didn’t you drop 30 pounds on Weight Watcher’s last year?” Well, I may have had a little setback since I dropped out of the program last July.  Let’s just put it this way, you know you’ve gained some weight when your bra is so mangled after wearing it that it needs reconstructive surgery.  Picture Orca getting caught in a net designed to hold Nemo.  It’s not pretty. After my mother told my husband, “Hey dumbass, she needs a new winter coat for Christmas” – low and behold, I got a new winter coat.  It was a beautiful white North Face down jacket – or Face Nation as my mother refers to the brand.  Imagine my disappointment when I tried it on over my Captain Kangaroo pajamas and it was too tight.  I got a larger size and it was still too tight.  I’ve been North Faced. As I’m standing in line to return the coat, I look around the store and I had an epiphany.  Big letters on the wall read, “Mountain Climbing”, “Skiing” and “Snow Boarding”.  There were no signs that read, “Couch Potatoes” or “Menopots”.  Of course – these are active, little people.  You can’t be a mountain climber with a huge beer gut – well you could, but you wouldn’t be a very good one. I guess making larger size coats would be sending out the wrong message from a fitness-based company.  Although, you can’t swing a skinny, soy, no-whip macchiato in the mall without hitting a teenager who is wearing the brand strictly for the prestige of the 70’s era logo.

I’ll bet you are picturing the Stay Puft marshmallow man about now.  It’s not that bad, my mom even says it looks good from behind.

8 thoughts on “North Faced

  1. Oh, you are preaching to the choir here, sister.

    Several years ago, my mother wrote on her Christmas list: “A new winter coat–but one that doesn’t make me look like a truck driver.”

    My sisters and I chortled about that for years. Until I hit my late forties, and I discovered exactly what she meant. Apparently, winter jackets are meant for one of two types: either svelte young skiers or for truck drivers.

    Two guesses where I fit in.

    • I have a love hate relationship with J.Jill. Sometimes when I try on an outfit I picture myself in lace-up wedges with a grey tight curly perm. You never see yourself getting older. Definitely loving the leisure wear. I like their t-shirts too..

  2. Glad to have found you on #FindingtheFunny. Why oh why are the teens so obsessed with these jackets?? Ellen

    • I actually did read where they like the retro logo. I have to admit, they are warm without being bulky, at least that what I could glean from the one arm I could get shoved into the jacket.

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