Once upon a time, a fair maiden went on many blind dates and kissed a lot of frogs before she finally met her prince on a cold January afternoon.
The courtship ran just short of a year when the prince proposed on a snowy evening in December after a delicious dinner at Fuddrucker’s.
The prince got down on one knee, presented a beautiful diamond ring and asked the fair maiden if she would be his wife.
The fair maiden replied, “Is that real?”
Then she grabbed the ring with one hand, and the telephone with the other and immediately phoned her mother, the madam, to tell her the good news and wasted no time planning the long-awaited wedding ceremony.
The fair maiden and the prince celebrated their first Christmas as a soon-to-be-married couple with the fair maiden’s family. This was the first holiday the prince would spend with his future in-laws. A mere foreshadowing into a lifetime of celebrations with his new extended family.
Gifts were exchanged followed by a delicious traditional dinner of beef tenderloin, cheese potatoes and brussels sprouts. The conversation was lively and good-humored as the prince was welcomed into the family.
What happened next, defined all future Christmases with the fair maiden’s family.
As the family was taking their last bites of the Christmas beast, the madame bent over as she rose from her chair and all that could be heard over the Christmas music was a loud, “puft, pufft-pufft, puffft-pufffft-pufffft.”
Faces froze. The fair maiden and her sister looked at each other with eyes as big as golf balls. Then, the fair maiden looked at her prince whose eyes were also as big as golf balls. Then all three looked at the madame ( you guessed it) whose eyes were as big as golf balls.
There was no ignoring it. It wasn’t just a muffled “puff” or a silent stinker. It was a “let it rip popper” that would go down in family history as the Christmas Fart.
The madame could have just walked away without a word but she said with grace, “Oh, excuse me. That’s what happens after two bladder surgeries, a hysterectomy and a plate full of brussels sprouts.”
The prince slowly placed his hands over his mouth. The fair madame was worried that the newest member of the family was terribly embarrassed when all of a sudden the prince made a loud hand fart noise. He continued to lovingly tease the madame with hand fart noises as the Christmas celebration came to a close.
The next summer, the prince and the fair maiden were married in a beautiful ceremony free from flatulence.
The prince haunts the madame every year with hand fart noises until this day as they reminisce about their first Christmas together.
Thanks to Beano, they’re all living happily ever after.