The Holiday Advent (As In Advent-ure) Posts: Day 16 – Things Santa Would Trade For Cookies


Photo via whiskeydisk.com

It’s tradition.  Everyone knows Santa’s only demand in return for stuffing stockings and leaving toys under the tree is a tall glass of cow juice and plate of homemade cookies.
 
Rumor has it – via Buddy, our Troll Elf on the Shelf – there are a few things Santa would trade for cookies if given the opportunity.
 

Bottle of Bourbon – Nothing takes the edge off a long flight like a big glass of whiskey.

Trucker Breakfast – The man needs some protein. A couple of eggs over easy, sausage, bacon, hash brown potatoes and toast is just the fuel the big guy needs to get him around the world.

Massage – S. Claus needs a full body rub down after carrying that gargantuan toy bag up and down chimneys – not to mention the sciatica from sitting in the sleigh for a 24 hour trip around the world.

Foot Bath – Let’s just say Mrs. Claus burns those big black boots after the annual journey and puts out some extra Winter fresh potpourri to mask the stench of his canned hams. Santa’s dogs are barking.

Mechanical Engineer – Even Santa shudders at the dreaded words, “Assembly Required”.  He has to double as a CAD operator to interpret the complex instructional diagrams written by the Chinese Elves.  He could also use the Jaws of Life to open toy packaging that not even Houdini could figure out.

Popemobile Glass Enclosure For His Sled – It can’t be easy to drive a convertible sleigh through snow, wind, ice, rain, extreme heat, war zones and dangerous neighborhoods.

Alka-Seltzer – Plop, plop.  Fizz, fizz.  Oh what relief Santa must need after his Christmas cookie, whiskey and trucker breakfast bender.  Look out below!

What do you think Santa would trade Christmas cookies for at your house?

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3 thoughts on “The Holiday Advent (As In Advent-ure) Posts: Day 16 – Things Santa Would Trade For Cookies

  1. I have to admit, I like your trade list. However, at our home Santa expects things such as egg nog spiked with spicy rum and a viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life.

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