Bottle of Bourbon – Nothing takes the edge off a long flight like a big glass of whiskey.
Trucker Breakfast – The man needs some protein. A couple of eggs over easy, sausage, bacon, hash brown potatoes and toast is just the fuel the big guy needs to get him around the world.
Massage – S. Claus needs a full body rub down after carrying that gargantuan toy bag up and down chimneys – not to mention the sciatica from sitting in the sleigh for a 24 hour trip around the world.
Foot Bath – Let’s just say Mrs. Claus burns those big black boots after the annual journey and puts out some extra Winter fresh potpourri to mask the stench of his canned hams. Santa’s dogs are barking.
Mechanical Engineer – Even Santa shudders at the dreaded words, “Assembly Required”. He has to double as a CAD operator to interpret the complex instructional diagrams written by the Chinese Elves. He could also use the Jaws of Life to open toy packaging that not even Houdini could figure out.
Popemobile Glass Enclosure For His Sled – It can’t be easy to drive a convertible sleigh through snow, wind, ice, rain, extreme heat, war zones and dangerous neighborhoods.
Alka-Seltzer – Plop, plop. Fizz, fizz. Oh what relief Santa must need after his Christmas cookie, whiskey and trucker breakfast bender. Look out below!
What do you think Santa would trade Christmas cookies for at your house?