The Sights And Sounds Of The Pumpkin Patch

Ahhhh a visit to the pumpkin patch. There’s nothing like the sweet smell of Kettle Corn and the pungent smell of goat shit to kick off the Fall holiday season.

As we enter the magic of the Pumpkin Patch, the sounds of fiddle playing and banjos fill the air. What direction to start? The animals? The play area? The U-Pick patch? Who can decide with the overwhelming urge to break out into a square dance which does not go over very well with the child.

I know one place we are not going to go and that’s the Corn Box of germs. Absolutely impossible to clean every kernel with an anti-bacterial wipe after every snot-nosed kid in the county has used it for their sandbox.

How about an adventurous walk through the corn maze? Malachi are you in there?

Apparently no one ever told this goat, “Never shit where you eat.”

Pork and Bess put on quite the show. They demonstrated the origin of the piggy back ride as Pork climbed on top of Bess. The child says, “What are they doing?” Uh, “Making Bacon.” Deliverance music still playing in the background.

Wanna milk a faux cow? How about a pint of freshly squeezed Giardia?

Hey, can you pick out the Queen Bee? She’s the bitch with her feet propped up watching television while the drones clean her house and do her cooking.

Add this chainsaw carved bear to your holiday shopping list.

It’s finally time to pick out a pumpkin. The wheel barrels are actually for your money. Something about a pumpkin shortage that conveniently occurs on a yearly basis.

Check out the vast assortment of pumpkins and gourds. I was informed that this snake gourd will eventually dry up and shrivel. Great for making bird houses. Wondering if this is where Woody Woodpecker got his name.