Joke: How Is A Housewife Placed On The DL (Disabled List)?

How is a Housewife placed on the DL (disabled list)?  If this question were the opening line of a joke, the punchline would be:

 “She twists her knee and can’t clean because she doesn’t pick up her feet when walking on the carpet in her Ugg slippers.”

Unfortunately, it’s not a joke.  It happened to me yesterday (game day) during one of those rainy days when you’re finally checking off that list of 25 things that need to be done before summer break.  Yes, you could say I was at the height of my performance for the season.  My mad skills as “clean-up” batter for the team were shining after weeks – (actually months) of striking out in my efforts to clean up home base.  We’re talking the chores (runners) that are constantly left on base like the cluttered playroom, over-stuffed closets and kitchen command center that is now a fire hazard due to junk mail and papers piled up over the phone cords.

The injury comes at a critical time in the season.  I have exactly 19 childcare-free days to “steal” outgrown clothes and toys without getting tagged out by the child (the opposing team).  There have also been several threats of – let’s just say a “trade”. 

The team does have a designated hitter (my husband) who has his own style of play.  If he gets called to the plate, he’ll swing at every piece of crap, hit a pop fly and all will be thrown out.  However, that scenario is this Hoarder’s (team name) nightmare.

Hoda and KathieBeing on the DL does have its advantages (you actually get to enjoy the entertainment).  If I took my morning power walk, I wouldn’t have seen Dick Van Dyke a.k.a. Robert Petrie from The Dick Van Dyke Show  (Hall of Famer)  interviewed on The Today Show.  My injured peg does fall right before Mother’s Day so I could just declare the entire week a national holiday and spend it on my couch (dugout).  And, I’m not exactly crying that I can’t get up and do Kristi Yamaguchi’s new power workout with her on Today. 

I think I feel another flare up.  Ooohhh, Kathie Lee and Hoda are on now.   Besides, I can’t get to my overgrown flower beds either, there’s still a rain delay.

So I sit with an ice pack on my knee staring at my piles of crap (loaded bases) while trying to get up the will to play through the pain.  And, put down the television remote.  Luckily, I’m also the trainer so I keep an ample supply of ibuprofen in the team’s First Aid Kit.  If that doesn’t work, I’m sure my husband (also the manager) will light a fire under my ass and I’ll magically hit a home run at the bottom of the ninth. 

Locker RoomThat is, after Kathie and Hoda’s Ambush Makeovers are revealed and Ellen dances and Dr. Oz reveals the miracle diet of the month and more stars bid farewell to Oprah and…

Uh-oh, it’s a call from my husband’s office (the owner).  Better get to the broom closet (locker room) and put my apron on (suit up) – baaatttteeerrr uuuppp!!!!


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