Paul Has A What?


It was a lazy afternoon following my daughter’s backyard birthday bash.  She was quietly playing with her new male babydoll, Paul and his babydoll sister Emma.  Suddenly, I heard a blood curdling scream.  My daughter came running down the hall yelling, “Mommy, Mommy…Paul has a penis!  Paul has a penis!!”  I replied, “Paul has a what?”  Sure enough, Paul is an anatomically correct male doll complete with a set of “franks and beans.”

I don’t know why we were so shocked at the discovery.  Afterall, he is a male doll and one of his real-life features is that he actually urinates in his very own blue plastic toilet after he is fed.  According to most Physiology books, unless he is a eunuch, he’s going to need an organ or member, if you will, to accomplish this task.  Practical yes, but still comical.  At least to a six-year-old girl and her adult, less mature female family members.  Baby Paul was all the talk at the family dinner table that evening.  There was one grandmother in particular who kept calling him Peter.  An understandable mistake considering our recent discovery. 

Ironically, the Latin origin of the name Paul means, “Little” which made me wonder if this played a role in choosing baby Paul’s name.  For starters, it was probably a committee of women who came up with the name.  A group of males would have likely named him Grant, which means “Big”.   Why didn’t the toy marketers choose a more popular name like Aiden, Ethan, Jack or Caleb? 

We have plenty of friends named Paul who are great people.  However, Paul isn’t exactly one of the top ten baby names as of late.  In fact, in 2009, it ranked #160 on the most popular baby name list.    Baby Paul’s female counterpart is named Baby Emma which ranked #5 on the 2009 list of the most popular baby names.  Maybe they should have considered naming her Gina, short for Virginia which means virginal.

My greatest fear is not that my daughter is playing with an anatomically correct male doll, but rather the barrage of questions that are likely to be asked and a lack of politically correct answers from her father and myself.  Recently, we were running errands and out of the blue she asked me an innocent question about a certain portion of the male anatomy.  The first thing that came to my mind was, “Holy balls, should I tell her what a nut sack is?”  I was telling my mother the story and she said, “Dear, did you tell her they are testicles?”  The textbook term did not even enter my mind.  I’m just relieved that when my daughter made the discovery about Baby Paul she didn’t shout, “Paul has some junk!”   The later being a term regularly uttered by her father. 

I should have let her aunt and uncle gift her the anti-gravity boots instead of Baby Paul.  However, I was worried about broken bones and bruises from the bouncy boots resulting in multiple trips to the emergency room.  Now I’m worried about multiple trips to the Life Cycle Library to answer questions about the birds and the bees.

So despite the worries, we will welcome the newest member of our family with open arms and a Wee Block, so we won’t get piss in our eyes when we change his diaper.  Excuse me, let me look that up.  I mean, so we won’t get urine in our eyes when we change his diaper.

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